well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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