I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
