I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
