Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was confusing and full of hummus
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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