i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
