Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
