i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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