the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
