i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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