literally had 100 drinks last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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