Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
