So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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