There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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