put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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