Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
