I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
