Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
