Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
