hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm passing your future prison.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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