Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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