Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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