I wish my penis had an off switch
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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