five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They are going to name an STD after you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
