she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm passing your future prison.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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