I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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