You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Terrible idea I love it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
