I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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