She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
