I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
