Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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