Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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