The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
