Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
