I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
