Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
