you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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