just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Randomize
