Porn is love you can see.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
