Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
