The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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