Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
