O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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