You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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