His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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