i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
