I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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