and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
