I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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