Life is so much better after having sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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