i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
