First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
