My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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