people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
